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Book Withdrawals

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Oct. 22nd, 2006 | 11:28 am

I had intended to spend last week writing, seeing as how I had half days at work. Instead, I picked up the 600+ pages of SHIRLEY ,and consequently, wrote next to nothing. Well, Shirley's vast bulk was got through yesterday, and this morning I found myself puttering around aimlessly, feeling somewhat desolate without the pleasant company I had been enjoying so recently. Oh, the treachery of books! They entice you, promising to give you good things, if you will only give them your undivided attention. At first you conscilliate only half-heartedly, dropping them with every pleasant sight or smell that might draw you away. Later, they have worked their spell on you, and you think only of rushing back to them as you go about your daily tasks, relishing the moment when you can again surrender to their ministrations. And for a time you are happy with them, content with what they have to give. Finally, with the onset of the closing sentence, a panic grips you, and the sigh of satisfaction dies on your lips as you blink and look about you amidst a wave of disorientation. New distractions seek to dash the now empty cup away from your lips, and in vain you try to cling to it for only a moment longer. There, it has been swept away, and you are left only a vague, sweet memory of the taste...
Is it right that I should desire to play the same trick on my fellow man, to mix similar concoctions that will end by leaving him with the same hollowness, the vague longing? Is the apparent betrayal truly a ministration after all, as it seemed when I drank so deeply ? Perhaps. Yes, perhaps some are meant to minister that hunger, so that Another can then minister the real substance that will ultimately fill it. I give thanks and sallute all the ones who have poked about in the tender places of my consciousness, and made me feel the very soreness of my soul. Infinitely preferable is that ache than the numbness that it has replaced. The ache makes me long for sweeter sensations in the end, that will neither fade nor be replaced with the hollowness that now threatens to overwhelm this faint existence.

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Comments {1}

Jedi Master Andre Antilles

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from: arthurpendragon
date: Oct. 22nd, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)

I think you are correct that the sensation you feel at the end of a god book, sort of highlight the longing in your life, which is much preferable to going about your day completely oblivious to the hole in your heart.

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